Craving something delicious but can’t spare the calories? Don’t care to throw off the quest for your bikini body by messily devouring candy by the sackful? The Bottle Snob is here to spoon-feed you fragrant gourmandy delights. My own cravings tend to be for sweets. Such are the frequency of these cravings that occasionally I need to trick my body into thinking it’s consuming what it desires, or I would currently be wearing a muumuu a la Homer Simpson.

The Craving: Chocolate mint Girl Scout cookies. The kind that only come around once a year, and cause a chain reaction that starts with you leering disconcertingly at small girls in uniform , and ends with you in jail following their parent’s radical misinterpretation of this look. 

The Solution: Back AWAY from the cookies. Try Junior Mints by Demeter. Cheap, about 90000 calories lighter than the alternative, and 100% less potential for gutter-minded misinterpretation.